Living in a Foreign Land – the Mourning After | WOW! Travel Small Group Travel

When I glanced at the clock on Thursday morning, it was 3:33 a.m. I could not go back to sleep.

This is the second mostly sleepless night in a row. So distressed am I about the outcome of the presidential election. I have never used the word ‘bereft’ to describe how I feel – but that’s the most accurate word I can choose at this moment.

Almost one year ago, when the talk was all about xenophobia (before all the sexism, racism and other “isms” came to the forefront), I wrote a blog post titled “It’s All Us.”

In summary, it was my story of traveling through a desolate area of India where I encountered a young Muslim woman dressed head to toe in a heavy black burka. I wrote of my amazement and curiosity about her life. Our obvious differences – and our commonality. Our shared humanity. It was a wordless connection that touched me deeply more than 35 years ago. A moment in time that has shaped my life ever since.

When I couldn’t sleep this morning, I listened to Marianne Williamson, Deepak Chopra and did two meditations of the Oprah/Deepak series about healthy relationships. I scheduled a healing session this afternoon in an attempt to shake this despondency. This dread and fear.

I have come to an awareness that my judgment of Trump supporters is no less wrong than their judgment of Muslims or any others they perceive as “different” and non-deserving to live here. Judgment is judgment.

There – I’ve said it.

I am struggling to find a way to understand and tolerate their point of view – especially of those that I love and respect. Writing this blog is not a magical solution. Maybe I’ll risk having a difficult conversation. Maybe I’ll listen actively.

I am a passionate advocate for travel out of our comfort zone. Travel to learn and stretch and allow for a transformation of one’s ingrained belief system. It’s the healthiest way to keep an open mind and heart in a society riddled with distrust and fear of anything different.

Perhaps I need to take my own advice and plan a journey to the ‘foreign’ (at least to me) states of America to discover and understand the culture and beliefs that would lead people to elect a Donald Trump as President.

Fear and ignorance keep many people from traveling to other countries and learning about other cultures. It’s not easy to admit that perhaps I need to overcome my fear and ignorance to learn about my own country’s culture.

What can we learn from each other if we listen?

Comments?

17 Comments

brenda winter November 11, 2016 at 5:10pm

Thank you Marilyn. I think many of us are willing to become advocates; I am trying to find out what will work for me.
Did you notice that private jails corporations stocks soarded as did military spending companies?

Watch Democracy. It was wonderful today. Amy Goodman.

Please give me info on your group dinners to make contributions.

Brenda Winter
brwinter@aol.com

Ronnie Williams November 11, 2016 at 5:24pm

My sentiments also Marilyn. I find it hard to believe that all of the people who voted for Mr. Trump in this election are racist, misogynistic, and hateful. But clearly many were feeling forgotten, alienated, and desperate enough to vote for him in hopes of there being some change.

I pray that we can all come together, try to understand each other, and that Congress stops making this into an us vs them game. We are one country.

On the good side, I am thankful to live in a country where we have peaceful elections with a choice of candidates. Aside from a few isolated acts of violence and racism there has been no widespread violence, despite the discontent many of us feel. Contrast this with so many other countries where there are only mock elections, and military coups and rioting when people are upset with election results. I think we sometimes forget how lucky we actually are.

Bob Franz November 11, 2016 at 5:25pm

I am shaken to my core by the election results. I can’t and don’t accept that this is who we are as a country. I dont know what to do.

Felice Willat November 11, 2016 at 5:27pm

Insightful idea, Marylyn. That came to my mind too – how little we know and understand the “Rust Belt,” and that includes the large numbers of women voters who voted for Trump too.

Suzy Kay November 11, 2016 at 5:48pm

Well said Marilyn and very thoughtful blog.

Ellen Borowka November 11, 2016 at 5:55pm

Hi Marilyn, Thanks for your thoughts. Dana and I have been feeling the same. It’s funny… what helped was the same LA Times article that you pictured above. It helped me to understand the people that voted for Trump vs just dismissing them as racist/etc. And I know good people that voted for him… I respect those people. So, I’m trying to understand a dif point of view too. I am sad that Hillary will not be our president – I really believe she would have done an excellent job. Lots of love, ellen and dana

Ann November 11, 2016 at 6:04pm

We live in a red state.. I can tell you honestly that hatred, bigotry and racism are alive and well down here in Florida.

I have neighbors who are very nice and good people, but they watch only Fox News. That is all I’m going to say.

Carlos Gallegos November 11, 2016 at 6:08pm

I had predicted the election outcome to my wife Renee.
Primarily, based on what I had seen, while traveling though a few states in the last few months.
(Illinois, South Carolina, Missouri,etc.)
The passion, visceral discontentment and the need to hold someone, or whoever is in charge at the moment responsible for all that does not seem to be changing.
This seems to run across income and education levels. It is very much cultural. It is fascinating how withing the same country there can be such discerningly different point of views, between the major metropolitan areas and the smaller population centers.
I wonder, if as humans we’re wired to resist change, some of us just seen more of it and have learn to resist it less.

Rita Connor November 11, 2016 at 7:17pm

I feel SO many different emotions right now about the recent election. I think the 24 hour news cycle and negative media has really gotten to me. I’m trying to understand what just happened. My family is completely divided down the middle about this election and it has caused some hurt feelings all around. I have love for my fellow man and I’m perplexed by all anger, mudslinging and xenophobia. When I see someone and start to feel judgment towards them, I remind myself of the quote I heard on Oprah the other day. “If you knew me, you would care.”
I went to a meditation class last night and the guru said “listen to your own cosmic media” inside. So I’m tuning out from mainstream media for a while. I can’t take it any more. I’m listening to Deepak/Oprah meditations, TED Talks, podcasts and spiritual YouTube meditations. I’m cleansing my soul, exercising, watching uplifting shows. Tony Robbins says you can “choose your own state of being.” I’m choosing to be in a high-vibe, positive state of being today. God, help our country to unite, heal and find creative, new solutions to all our issues. It is a time of change and we do have power – especially in our own sphere of influence. Our emotions affect those around us, including our family, friends, pets and nature.

Amy November 11, 2016 at 9:45pm

Please allow me to start by saying, do not try and predict who I voted for based on this post. I can promise you have no better odds of guessing correctly than a flip of the coin. With that said, I have a few questions for you?
1. Are you experiencing financial hardship?
2. Have you worked hard your whole life only to find your house in foreclosure?
3. Have any of your loved ones been given a dire medical diagnosis and you can’t afford to pay for the kind of care they deserve?
4. Do any of you have children that you cannot afford to send to college?
5. Have you been unable to afford even the most basic vacation for several years, despite working 60+ hours a week?
If you haven’t answered yes to at least a couple of questions than you are out of touch with the so-called middle class, many of whom correctly predicted the election outcome. When you don’t have major personal concerns, it’s easy to focus on the bigger picture.

Rhonda Grissom November 12, 2016 at 2:43am

Marilyn, I appreciate your post.
I have spent the week with nothing but feelings of contempt and loathing for those who voted for Donald Trump. Some of these Trump supporters are close personal friends of mine and even family members.
Somewhere in my psyche I knew I was harboring harsh feelings of judgement but I stubbornly refused to acknowledge this until I read your blog. Thank you for helping me open up to this truth.

Kathleen A Barry November 12, 2016 at 4:26am

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. There are many stupid and ignorant people all over this country – many right here in Santa Barbara. I know not to touch a hot stove because I got burned one too many times. Our country got burned by people who see a different version of reality from mine. I will not spend my time nor money going anywhere to learn more about them. I will work with those whom I admire, trust and who are committed to transformation. For those who voted for Trump, my only relief is that I don’t have to listen to you spew hatred and vehemence against Obama, Hillary, and those of us who supported them.

Maurcia Martin November 12, 2016 at 8:03am

Marilyn,

I, as well as members of my family, feel much as you.
I hear your thoughts, however I am from these typical areas to whom Trump appealed (southern Appalachian foothills), and am well versed in how they think.
Not all were like that for I know of frends and family members that met that white upper echelon demographic that also voted for him. When I ask Why? everyone can only say ‘Change’. Sigh.
As for those areas of the country you want to visit, you will find a level of non-enlightenment, and distrust of those that don’t think or look like you that will perhaps boggle your mind. The economic conditions, which were never great to begin with, have greatly deteriorated with no replacement industries, or retraining programs to offset the losses. Bleak can only describe some pockets Outside of major areas in the South, & Dixie is very much alive with narrow viewpoints, and yes bigotry +xenophobia.
I feel these people have been led to a false Messiah,who identified and spoke to their fears. Heady stuff,and perhaps I’m wrong about the future, but when exactly during the last GOP admins did they address the common man’s issues?
I hope for the best, although I’m most definitely concerned about those elements that have been stoked that don’t represent the best aspects of our fellow countrymen. They do need a source of opportunity to be addressed & raise them up economically else it will keep coming back, like a powder keg ready to explode!!
Guess I’m also discouraged by this election,but it appears like there more than a few of us that are determined not to remain defeated, which is most encouraging for the future!!

Laila November 12, 2016 at 1:59pm

Eye opener!

Felice November 12, 2016 at 6:53pm

Thank you Maurcia for explaining what most of us on the west coast are unfamiliar with. I have lived with unenlightened men all my life and still remain true to myself. Let’s pray that the best in all of us comes to light.

Mary R. Rogers November 12, 2016 at 4:21pm

Good insight, Marilyn. Glad you shared as I work through many conflicting emotions. I want to take the high road in my response to election results. Mary Rogers

Julie Franz November 14, 2016 at 10:37pm

I have never felt hatred foward Trump supporters, but I have felt and still feel a lot of contempt for Trump himself for his lack of remorse over all the people’s lives he has ruined, his disgusting remarks about (and actions toward) women, his mockery of the disabled, his bragging about not paying taxes, his blithe sense of entitlement, and his cynical manipulation of the naive and vulnerable. He has, by his example, made it OK for people to proudly and loudly express every kind of “ism” there is and to underline these, in many cases, with menacing physical actions. I am deeply disturbed by the venom and bile spewed forth during and since the election by those of both political persuasions. I think we could all take a tip from the Obamas who, at least publicly, have continued to go high when others go low. I do have very serious concerns about what the future holds for our country and for many I hold so dear, including our beloved Gabriel, but I have to let go and let God and trust that some day this will all make sense. ❤️

brenda winter November 11, 2016 at 5:10pm

Thank you Marilyn. I think many of us are willing to become advocates; I am trying to find out what will work for me.
Did you notice that private jails corporations stocks soarded as did military spending companies?

Watch Democracy. It was wonderful today. Amy Goodman.

Please give me info on your group dinners to make contributions.

Brenda Winter
brwinter@aol.com
Ronnie Williams November 11, 2016 at 5:24pm

My sentiments also Marilyn. I find it hard to believe that all of the people who voted for Mr. Trump in this election are racist, misogynistic, and hateful. But clearly many were feeling forgotten, alienated, and desperate enough to vote for him in hopes of there being some change.

I pray that we can all come together, try to understand each other, and that Congress stops making this into an us vs them game. We are one country.

On the good side, I am thankful to live in a country where we have peaceful elections with a choice of candidates. Aside from a few isolated acts of violence and racism there has been no widespread violence, despite the discontent many of us feel. Contrast this with so many other countries where there are only mock elections, and military coups and rioting when people are upset with election results. I think we sometimes forget how lucky we actually are.
Bob Franz November 11, 2016 at 5:25pm

I am shaken to my core by the election results. I can’t and don’t accept that this is who we are as a country. I dont know what to do.
Felice Willat November 11, 2016 at 5:27pm

Insightful idea, Marylyn. That came to my mind too – how little we know and understand the “Rust Belt,” and that includes the large numbers of women voters who voted for Trump too.
Suzy Kay November 11, 2016 at 5:48pm

Well said Marilyn and very thoughtful blog.
Ellen Borowka November 11, 2016 at 5:55pm

Hi Marilyn, Thanks for your thoughts. Dana and I have been feeling the same. It’s funny… what helped was the same LA Times article that you pictured above. It helped me to understand the people that voted for Trump vs just dismissing them as racist/etc. And I know good people that voted for him… I respect those people. So, I’m trying to understand a dif point of view too. I am sad that Hillary will not be our president – I really believe she would have done an excellent job. Lots of love, ellen and dana
Ann November 11, 2016 at 6:04pm

We live in a red state.. I can tell you honestly that hatred, bigotry and racism are alive and well down here in Florida.

I have neighbors who are very nice and good people, but they watch only Fox News. That is all I’m going to say.
Carlos Gallegos November 11, 2016 at 6:08pm

I had predicted the election outcome to my wife Renee.
Primarily, based on what I had seen, while traveling though a few states in the last few months.
(Illinois, South Carolina, Missouri,etc.)
The passion, visceral discontentment and the need to hold someone, or whoever is in charge at the moment responsible for all that does not seem to be changing.
This seems to run across income and education levels. It is very much cultural. It is fascinating how withing the same country there can be such discerningly different point of views, between the major metropolitan areas and the smaller population centers.
I wonder, if as humans we’re wired to resist change, some of us just seen more of it and have learn to resist it less.
Rita Connor November 11, 2016 at 7:17pm

I feel SO many different emotions right now about the recent election. I think the 24 hour news cycle and negative media has really gotten to me. I’m trying to understand what just happened. My family is completely divided down the middle about this election and it has caused some hurt feelings all around. I have love for my fellow man and I’m perplexed by all anger, mudslinging and xenophobia. When I see someone and start to feel judgment towards them, I remind myself of the quote I heard on Oprah the other day. “If you knew me, you would care.”
I went to a meditation class last night and the guru said “listen to your own cosmic media” inside. So I’m tuning out from mainstream media for a while. I can’t take it any more. I’m listening to Deepak/Oprah meditations, TED Talks, podcasts and spiritual YouTube meditations. I’m cleansing my soul, exercising, watching uplifting shows. Tony Robbins says you can “choose your own state of being.” I’m choosing to be in a high-vibe, positive state of being today. God, help our country to unite, heal and find creative, new solutions to all our issues. It is a time of change and we do have power – especially in our own sphere of influence. Our emotions affect those around us, including our family, friends, pets and nature.
Amy November 11, 2016 at 9:45pm

Please allow me to start by saying, do not try and predict who I voted for based on this post. I can promise you have no better odds of guessing correctly than a flip of the coin. With that said, I have a few questions for you?
1. Are you experiencing financial hardship?
2. Have you worked hard your whole life only to find your house in foreclosure?
3. Have any of your loved ones been given a dire medical diagnosis and you can’t afford to pay for the kind of care they deserve?
4. Do any of you have children that you cannot afford to send to college?
5. Have you been unable to afford even the most basic vacation for several years, despite working 60+ hours a week?
If you haven’t answered yes to at least a couple of questions than you are out of touch with the so-called middle class, many of whom correctly predicted the election outcome. When you don’t have major personal concerns, it’s easy to focus on the bigger picture.
Rhonda Grissom November 12, 2016 at 2:43am

Marilyn, I appreciate your post.
I have spent the week with nothing but feelings of contempt and loathing for those who voted for Donald Trump. Some of these Trump supporters are close personal friends of mine and even family members.
Somewhere in my psyche I knew I was harboring harsh feelings of judgement but I stubbornly refused to acknowledge this until I read your blog. Thank you for helping me open up to this truth.
Kathleen A Barry November 12, 2016 at 4:26am

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. There are many stupid and ignorant people all over this country – many right here in Santa Barbara. I know not to touch a hot stove because I got burned one too many times. Our country got burned by people who see a different version of reality from mine. I will not spend my time nor money going anywhere to learn more about them. I will work with those whom I admire, trust and who are committed to transformation. For those who voted for Trump, my only relief is that I don’t have to listen to you spew hatred and vehemence against Obama, Hillary, and those of us who supported them.
Maurcia Martin November 12, 2016 at 8:03am

Marilyn,

I, as well as members of my family, feel much as you.
I hear your thoughts, however I am from these typical areas to whom Trump appealed (southern Appalachian foothills), and am well versed in how they think.
Not all were like that for I know of frends and family members that met that white upper echelon demographic that also voted for him. When I ask Why? everyone can only say ‘Change’. Sigh.
As for those areas of the country you want to visit, you will find a level of non-enlightenment, and distrust of those that don’t think or look like you that will perhaps boggle your mind. The economic conditions, which were never great to begin with, have greatly deteriorated with no replacement industries, or retraining programs to offset the losses. Bleak can only describe some pockets Outside of major areas in the South, & Dixie is very much alive with narrow viewpoints, and yes bigotry +xenophobia.
I feel these people have been led to a false Messiah,who identified and spoke to their fears. Heady stuff,and perhaps I’m wrong about the future, but when exactly during the last GOP admins did they address the common man’s issues?
I hope for the best, although I’m most definitely concerned about those elements that have been stoked that don’t represent the best aspects of our fellow countrymen. They do need a source of opportunity to be addressed & raise them up economically else it will keep coming back, like a powder keg ready to explode!!
Guess I’m also discouraged by this election,but it appears like there more than a few of us that are determined not to remain defeated, which is most encouraging for the future!!
Laila November 12, 2016 at 1:59pm

Eye opener!
- Felice November 12, 2016 at 6:53pm
  
  Thank you Maurcia for explaining what most of us on the west coast are unfamiliar with. I have lived with unenlightened men all my life and still remain true to myself. Let’s pray that the best in all of us comes to light.
Mary R. Rogers November 12, 2016 at 4:21pm

Good insight, Marilyn. Glad you shared as I work through many conflicting emotions. I want to take the high road in my response to election results. Mary Rogers
Julie Franz November 14, 2016 at 10:37pm

I have never felt hatred foward Trump supporters, but I have felt and still feel a lot of contempt for Trump himself for his lack of remorse over all the people’s lives he has ruined, his disgusting remarks about (and actions toward) women, his mockery of the disabled, his bragging about not paying taxes, his blithe sense of entitlement, and his cynical manipulation of the naive and vulnerable. He has, by his example, made it OK for people to proudly and loudly express every kind of “ism” there is and to underline these, in many cases, with menacing physical actions. I am deeply disturbed by the venom and bile spewed forth during and since the election by those of both political persuasions. I think we could all take a tip from the Obamas who, at least publicly, have continued to go high when others go low. I do have very serious concerns about what the future holds for our country and for many I hold so dear, including our beloved Gabriel, but I have to let go and let God and trust that some day this will all make sense. ❤️